Easing Anxiety with Social Solitude
Anxiety seems to be something I hear many people talk about lately. It no longer carries the negative stigma it has for so long, and I believe in part because more people speak openly about it. I am no stranger to it’s unwelcome feelings, but I know this is new uncharted territory for some.
What does anxiety look or feel like? It can vary from person to people, but for me it’s:
a heaviness in the chest.
overwhelming, sudden shift in my mood {Don’t get funny with some quip about being a woman… I know plenty of men that have the same experience}.
a fixation on one situation that can’t seem to leave my mind, despite how far in the past or future it may be
complete lack of awareness of the world around me as though I am going through a tunnel
ears may start ringing and vision can get blurred outside of a focal point. This can be part of that tunnel feeling.
on the worst days, a sudden outburst of unexplained tears and shaking.
These feelings can go on for a day, but for me the most severe usually last an hour max. Sometimes I just hit a point of pure exhaustion. Many times the tears and shaking don’t last as long because over the years I have learned ways to cope and help work myself out of the feelings. Is it easy? No. Does it always work? No one strategy ever seems to work by itself. Do I feel back to “normal” after? I mean, what even is normal any more?! Am I a medical professional that is providing you with insight into peer reviewed, scientific solutions? No, and I would ask you to please, please reach out for help if you feel this. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and there is help for a reason!
The one strategy I have recently been working on is to face the feeling. I can tell when I am getting in a moment of panic or anxiety. There is often a trigger, though it took me years to be able to recognize that not all of my attacks were random. So now I immediately reflect and try to recognize what it is that is creating this feeling. If it is something I can pinpoint then I think through why it has impacted me this way and if there is anything I can do to address it. I allow myself to feel angry, sad, scared, or confused. Feel the feelings.
I also have pushed myself to accept that many of those feelings are generated out of my own assumptions, not any fact. More times than not I have generated a narrative that creates unease because something has not gone the way I imagined it going. Attempting to keep a good grip on the day in and out of my life is how I manage my anxiety, but it can be a slippery slope when you lose control of things you thought you were able to handle. Most of the time, not out of any fault of my own.
As an empath, I have a hard time detaching my reality from that of others. I don’t just listen to the words people say. I recognize their tone, how they use words, how they move their body, their eyes, posture, and even the slightest facial expression. Then there is silence; quite possibly the hardest thing for people to understand about empaths. We hear everything you don’t say. Vibes are everything. So when you feel pain, I do too. When you feel let down by someone, I hurt with you. . When you feel peace and joy, I’m right there with you. It is exhausting. But most days I am grateful for this superpower and would have it no other way.
So how do I work through these moments of anxiety?
Anxiety is like a blurry tunnel where all you can see is what you hope is a way out.
Breathing Easier. In through the nose, out through the mouth {smell the pizza, cool off the pizza… or whatever food you scan imagine slowly inhaling and exhaling to}. Slowing your breath will help calm the heart rate.
Listen to Music. I have playlists specifically for moments that arise. Some are heart thumping rock and pop confidence builders, some are calming songs with uplifting or relatable lyrics, some a faith based to help me remember I am not alone, and then there is good ‘ol movie classics…mostly Disney movie songs that have a way to bring me to tears. Music speaks to my soul in a way poetry or dancing speaks to others. Getting lost in a song can go a long way.
Physical Exertion. Run. Walk. Lift Weights. Punch the hell out of a punching bag. Chop wood. shred old documents. hammer nails in a board. Take a bike ride. Kick a ball around a field. Do something to distract your mind and body and allow built up aggression out in a positive way.
Find a Place with Positive Energy. I am a vibe person, so if I need to shake a feeling I immerse myself into the best possible option to feed off of other’s energy. Theme parks, concerts, parks, and yes, even Target. There is a reason I am a life long lover of Disney Destinations. I have countless positive memories and can be content sitting on Main Street watching the joy of those around me. Can’t get to Disney? Find a sporting event, park, festival, or fun shop!
Disconnect. Sometimes the positive energy isn’t what you need. Sometimes that can actually have a reverse effect and make us even more upset. So disconnect. Step away from social platforms, work, people. Whatever you can separate from, do. I often post my blogs or social media posts then close the apps. Scrolling has brought me undue anxiety between seeing highly intelligent people share nonsense news or fake accounts, people belittle others, or other reasons I hold in my heart. I wish I could get back to enjoying seeing fun posts from family and friends, but if I last 5 minutes, that’s enough. There is nothing on these platforms that is more important than my wellbeing and that of my family and close friends. They are who matter and in all reality I probably know all of their business and have seen all those pictures in a group text or lived the experiences with them. There is no reason to stress over the person that I’ve met a handful of times, 15 years ago, or acquaintances that live time zones away. Doesn’t mean I don’t wish them the absolute best, but they aren’t the ones that are going to be there when shit hits the fan.
Weighted Blanket. It’s not a stand-alone solution, but I was blown away with how it’s helped with building anxiety.
Write. This is a personal release for me, but ultimately escape into a hobby that makes you feel good. Paint, sing, play an instrument, draw, sew. Find a creative outlet to allow yourself to express what you’re feeling. There have been many times I write and write and write never to let those words see the light of day. I type then delete or write and shred. No matter if my words are saved or not, writing has given me a way to words to what I am feeling. It lets me process the thoughts and emotions and allow a healthy release.
Speak Up. This is HARD! I have spent the last few months working on this skill. I have had to find my voice in ways I never imagined needing to use it. But man is there power in shutting down the haters. Disappointing people is a very common fear of those with anxiety, but we can’t allow ourselves to be trapped in bad situations, ”friendships”, jobs or opportunities because we feel guilty we may hurt someone by speaking our opinion. I have done it for years and finally accepted that when I cater to that fear I am giving to people that don’t give two hoots about me. When in reality, I’m stuck in a tunnel unable to give my best self to the people that love me most.
Talk to Someone. A counselor, therapist, psychologist, friend, spouse, dog… talk it out. Get help and don’t allow anyone to tell you it’s a weak option.
Late last fall I hit an emotional wall that I hadn’t felt in years. I went to bed early hoping to sleep off the worry, then laid there and began shaking. Eventually I became scared because nothing was working. I was at a loss for how to cope so I text my husband that I needed him {yes, text him from our bedroom to the living room because 1: I couldn’t get words together through my tears and feeling like I was going to throw up and 2: I didn’t want to scare our kids}. I could barely speak, but he has been around long enough to know words weren’t going to come out. He just laid there, held me as tight as possible, and let me cry. Soon the tears ended and I could breathe again. We talked for just a couple of minutes {exhaustion finally came crashing in after sleepless nights and an epic panic attack and I could hardly stay awake} and agreed it was time for major changes to help alleviate some of those stressors. Many of the above strategies were put back into place and I allowed myself the grace to speak sooner when something bothered me. More so, if I spoke up, questioned others actions, or let someone know what they are doing is not okay I promised myself I’d do so unapologetically. I’m tired of apologizing for calling out other peoples’ shitty behavior.
I know the world we live in feels very unfamiliar right now. Please know you aren’t alone. Even strangers become friends as we fight this pandemic together. Take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you don’t know where to begin ask someone. I will always do what I can to help. You deserve it {especially if you made it to the end of this blog! ;)}.
XO
K
