Intentional Thanks
So often we go through life without acknowledging how much we have grown and the moments that get us there. It is valuable to not only slow down and recognize the moments, but to be intentional in how we utilize and share those learnings.
In the spirit of giving thanks I put together thoughts and examples of my focuses as I work to be more intentional with my time and connections. This has been a year of perspective and one in which I find it incredibly important to give thanks to the pivotal people, places, and moments along the way. Yes, even the ones we'd sometimes rather forget; though their thanks may be an internal acknowledgment of the strength they helped you find.
Gratitude is a reflection practice with immense reward. However, reflections should not solely focus on the things we are grateful to have, be it tangible or actions of kindness. We should also reflect on the people, experiences, and things that bring us joy, confusion, and even pain. As we reflect on moments big and small, we can start to find common patterns that will help drive our future actions.
There was a period of time where I was not connecting with my work. It wasn’t for lack of effort, enjoyment of the position, or incredible colleagues and clients. I would continuously dig into each day to see what went well some and where the disconnect was on others. What I found was that on days when I was leading my work authentically, relationship driven, with my added quirky humor, I was accomplishing more, successfully driving conversations in my network, and willingly taking on tasks that would force me to stretch my skill set. Days when I tried to fit an assumed model of work or mirror the more systematic approach of peers, I was mentally and physically drained. As common sense as it seems we all do this. We try things that have driven success for others, only to find it does not fit for us. Recognizing that is one thing, but accepting it and allowing yourself to showcase your success model is another. Not everyone may appreciate unique ways of working, but when you successfully produce results they will be more willing to understand.
Shut it down. Turn it off. Quiet the noise. We are creatures of habit, and sometimes fall victim to being sucked into ones that not only don’t fuel us, but are more of a time suck than we realize. Do yourself a favor and intentionally power down. Whether it’s a quiet car ride or sitting at the desk with no alerts or notifications enabled, let your mind have time to process your own thoughts. Those sleepless nights tossing and turning in bed are often related to the lack of time to process thinking during the day.
One reason I love going for walks/runs or to workout away from home is the ability to truly step away from the unnecessary urge for immediate response. This isn’t to say there aren’t days I need to stay more connected and there aren’t calls/emails/texts that need prompt acknowledgement, but even early in the morning I’d find myself pausing helping get my kids ready for school, my workouts, or writing time to turn my attention to something else that absolutely could have waited. Even though I was attending 5am workouts (when the likelihood of anyone trying to reach me was slim to none), leaving my phone in a locker for an hour retrained my brain to remember that it’s ok to not check messages, emails, and calls with every pause in thought. We have to give ourselves grace to process our own thoughts as well as our responses to any number of situations. By disconnecting we are in turn better prepared for when the notifications start pinging. And don't even get me started on the unproductive nonsense we allow ourselves to get lost in {says a guilty "Comments" section or Neighborhood Group Page reader...}.
In a time where we have slowed down there has become a renewed appreciation for nature, the arts, and new ways to find connection. As you take a hike, read a story, watch a documentary, or learn of a new connectivity tool share it! People are seeking out ways to remain socially connected while physically distanced.
My favorites: local parks for hiking, bike rides, and kayaking. The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes is a phenomenal podcast while Emily in Paris is a perfectly lighthearted series for the energetic businessperson to binge after an episode of Shark Tank. Unless you've never watched The Sopranos or Parenthood, then stop reading and go start one of them. You're welcome. For a more personal touch to email in an otherwise distanced world, check out Video Ask.
A small nod of acknowledgement can go a long way. Recognizing someone, including yourself, for a job well done is going to have an impact that lasts far longer than the times it takes to make and leave a sticky note with a “nice job!”. Confidence, motivation, and willingness to take on more opportunity increase, holding reward for both the employee and employer. Likewise, when people are noticed they take on a more positive demeanor that can impact personal and professional relationships.
When leading a training, hosting a call, or working as a consultant it can become easy to fall into a trap of purging words that aren’t received with open ears. The power of casual conversation, listening to what collaborators are sharing, and acknowledging their statement with your own connection, praise, or even a question, makes people feel heard and valued. The level of engagement immediately increases, mutual respect is established, and there is no longer an awkward and unnecessary assumption of “you against me”. In schools a common classroom greeting is a hello {wave}, handshake, hug, or high five, in which many kids opt to develop their own secret handshakes with their teachers/principal. There are many days I wish more adults understood the impact of a gesture as simple as a smile and wave can have on someone. I’m not sure why so many people turn their nose up at recognition as though it’s coddling people or shameful, when in fact that is the one thing many individuals say they lack in the workplace. “They don’t even have a clue how much I do!” Actually, chances are they do, they unfortunately just haven’t taken the chance to tell you. Take action and be the one that starts giving specific praise, no matter how silly or small it may seem.
Face the fears that have held you back. There will absolutely be discomfort, but how often are those worst fears actually what comes to fruition? The more often we lean into the discomfort the more we will realize how much we are capable of. There is so much joy beyond what the fears ever allow us to imagine.
Case in point: as a young teen I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder. It’s still a battle I face, but I have come to anticipate the discomfort. I knew that I didn’t want to let it become a roadblock so my senior year of High School I took a class on public speaking. My gratitude can’t be shouted enough for the kind yet firm coaching from a teacher that has become a lifetime friend. She saw what was itching to get out beyond the fears I held and encouraged me to sign up for a contest. Next thing I knew I was runner up in a Rotary Club speech contest, and have established myself professionally as a consultant, often networking, leading large group professional development, and presentations. Do not limit yourself with your own assumptions.
What are ways you can become more intentional in your day to day actions as well as in interactions with others? Disconnect, reflect, recognize, attempt, and share!
